Broken, but not beyond repair

I sat with my Shaykh for the first time in 3-4 months. He asked me right out if I had been losing weight. I guess I had, didn’t even realized. He asked me to check my weight, I went from the mid to high 160s to low 150 in…not sure how long. I guess I’m really sad.

I am very very sad. I find myself sleeping too much, sometimes late into the day, once until 4pm. I won’t let that happen again. I don’t hang out with anyone anymore, I tend to stay by myself, I just go to work and come home. To be honest, I feel like a loser, a bum, a left-behind.

I’m cracked and water keeps seeping in. And yes, the foundation has damage, major damage. But I’m not beyond repair. I still cook for my family, I clean, I drive my mom around when she doesn’t want to, I run errands, I give charity, I work feverishly on a few personal projects. I don’t wallow in my own self-pity (well, sometimes in the mornings and late nights, but not for too long). That’s one thing I don’t like about modern Internet culture, the self-pity. I guess I do it too, but not the way they do it.

I don’t plan on offing myself or anything like that. I try to be strong for those around me. I try to maintain hope that maybe I’ll get out of this predicament. I do things to make others happy.

This pain only makes me feel for others, all people. They’re human beings just like me with feelings and soft hearts. Maybe when I’m out of the darkness, I can help others out too.


About Nahraf
Providing interesting insight into the world of Economics, Theology, Computer Science and Social phenomena.

3 Responses to Broken, but not beyond repair

  1. Hyde says:

    Sound very similar but I see a glimpse in your entry, but my doors are closing…

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