A Mind in Disarray

Its amazing how quickly my heart can flutter in a single day. Today alone, I went from spiritually high, to struggling to obey God, to depression and anger, to collected yet in pain and now to pensive and restless.

When we think of a Sufi, we imagine a romantic scene of a man whirling in circles, utterly engulfed in the presence of God. Perhaps that’s ideal. Perhaps that’s where I should be. But in reality, my life is anything but that. I don’t understand how anyone could not be so distracted by the happenings of life that he sees nothing but God, save the Prophets عليهم السلام.

I swear, literally every day is like a battle. I try hard to obey the commands of God, but I fall short time and time again. As I go into the world, I do nothing but corrupt my heart.

I know that I’m supposed to believe that God has taken me through this path to make me stronger, that he has a plan for me, etc. But, that’s not how I feel. I feel that its breaking me down, and causing me to go astray and sin. I question the wisdom behind these life experiences, can’t the wisdom behind it be achieved through other means?

One thing I admire about Islam is that everyone lives in the same world – by that, I mean Orthodox and Catholic priests are supposed to live lives of complete devotion to God, away in a monestary. As a result, they are not familiar with the daily problems and struggles of their flock. Catholic priests cannot even marry, so what business do they have speaking about marriage? This gives credibility to the notion of a spiritual guide. In Islam, monasticism is discouraged. You do not run away from the problems of life and pray them away, you face them head on. That makes more sense. So, the spiritual guide knows the world, its pains and pleasures, and has mastered how to deal with it.

I’m confused and lost.


About Nahraf
Providing interesting insight into the world of Economics, Theology, Computer Science and Social phenomena.

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