Self-Doubt


There is a universal tradition which states that everyone is friendly and kind when times are easy, but a person’s true nature becomes apparent in the face of trials and calamities.

When I am in the presence of some of some people, in all outward immaturity, childishness, and lack of sobriety, I can’t help but see these negative qualities and hope that I never have them. I think that’s not how a person should be, and use that as a rubric to avoid. In that sense, its a positive thing.

But then when a difficulty afflicts me, especially a major one, I see the worst characteristics of myself come out. I see my arrogance, my selfishness, my ungratefulness, my short-sightedness, my small-mindedness, etc. I can’t help but wonder, is what is coming out of me at this moment really who I am? Is this my true exposition?

If so, then I am a rotten person who desperately needs to mature.

What then is the process to change? How does one strengthen his inner soul? The best solution that I’ve come to know is to allow yourself to experience pain, but still hold fast to what you believe to be true, and hopefully when you come out of it you are a stronger person. But I frequently see myself waver and falter.¬†Secondly, given my constraints in life,¬†I am trying to experience the world as much as possible. I hope that those experiences will strengthen my inner character. We’ll see.

This leaves me with a lack of self confidence.